University of Delaware at Berkeley

Its stories like this that reinforce my belief that Jeff Pearlman’s UD-is-Racist-Because-It Won’t-Play-DSU article chases a non-existent enemy, while a more real problem is the propensity for colleges to lean towards joining the thought police.

See this story.

http://wbal.com/news/story.asp?articleid=65051

I’m hoping that the training that the RAs received and passed on is not actually a reflection of UD’s policy. Anyway I’m apparently a racist since “A racist is one who is both privileged and socialized on the basis of race by a white supremacist (racist) system. The term applies to all white people (i.e., people of European descent) living in the United States, regardless of class, gender, religion, culture or sexuality. By this definition, people of color cannot be racists, because as peoples within the U.S. system, they do not have the power to back up their prejudices, hostilities, or acts of discrimination. (This does not deny the existence of such prejudices, hostilities, acts of rage or discrimination.”

The training manual was posted at: http://www.thefire.org/pdfs/3d0208922083e5d59664be8371ab5f0f.pdf?PHPSESSID=c6fbbb05a21c207a06570748d1d61a7c

I don’t know anything about the advocacy group that is putting the pressure on, but their piece can be found here:

http://s3.amazonaws.com/thefirecache/8555.html?PHPSESSID=33214196fb6e889832400033f247add3

Miracle comeback

Looks like the Shade could have used this play in their playbook this week:

Who has 2 thumbs and is the dumbest person in the world? This guy.

I guess that line would work better if you could see my thumbs.

I don't know whom I owe the bigger apology: the Chargers for my complete (but not totally unwarranted) lack of faith in them or Chris for the fact that I still somehow squeaked out a victory that I clearly do not deserve.

Is there some sort of clause that if a team has 5 bench players who outscore their 10 starters, they automatically forfeit the game? There should be. I'll take the win, but I am completely disgusted with myself.

The Dynamite Prepare to Baxterminate

How do you like our new cheerleader uniforms? (SFW and so cute. I think this wins me the tie-breaker.)

A bit of advice for the Baterminators: you'll want to use one of these to minimize injuries today.

UD-DSU Update

ESPN focuses on UD, DSU

Harker hopes to start UD-DSU football rivalry

DSU-UD meeting still on course after close call

For the Blue Hens, I suggest subscribing to this feed to keep up to date on UD sports happenings.

Maple vs. Desert: The "Shady" Details

My dearest shrubbery,

While I'm tempted to award you some bonus points in the showdown this weekend for creating a post that literally made me laugh out loud, upon re-examining the central argument of said post, I discovered some glaring flaws that are in dire need of redress.

Let us first consider the respective merits of the various aspects of the desert that you so callously deride:

Drought: True, water and its potential benefits for life have gotten some good press in recent years, but will the good PR last? I think not. Once Nobel-laureate Gore's Irritating Truth Theory proves true and the polar ice caps melt, you'll pay top dollar for a drought. That or an ark, but arks are hard to come by these days.

Scorpions: Download "Wind of Change" to your iTunes and then tell me these guys don't rock (you like a hurricane). As for the arachnids, they're pretty cool too. Perhaps the oldest predatory species still in existence, they are some of the most resilient creatures on Earth and are even capable of surviving nuclear radiation. In Texas I personally witnessed some of their many talents, such as walking on ceilings, hiding in coffee cups, and not dying.

Cancer: Technically this is a product not of the desert itself but rather of the sun (that luminous, life-giving bastard). However, I find it interesting that the link for this word on your post leads to a Camel cigarettes ad - desert, camel, cigarettes, cancer: interesting progression. Coincidence or cleverness?

Sand in your butt: Come on, now you're just getting desperate. After all, who doesn't love the sensation of hundreds of coarse granules of pulverized rock migrating up his or her rectal cavity? Anal exfoliation: what could be better? I mean, I can't be alone here, can I?

A Horse with No Name: While lacking the dulcimer tones that Gerry Beckley lent to "Sister Golden Hair" and not offering quite as rich a tapestry of lyrical images as that woven by Dewey Bunnell in "Ventura Highway," this 1972 single by the English-American folk-rock band America still reached number 1 on the charts and is cherished by the tens of people who like the sound of singers whose voices somewhat resemble that of Neil Young.

So now that I've extolled the virtues of the desert, let's examine the darker side of the maple:

Shade: While providing respite from the harsh rays of the aforementioned cancer-orb, the shade is the breeding ground of mildew and fungi. Hardly what I'd consider "stately." There's a reason why the term "shady" has such negative connotations.

Syrup: Great on pancakes, waffles, french toast, and the occasional naked woman, but the stickiness presents real problems. Especially when my roommate spills a bottle of it in my fridge and it gets on my beer. Syrup's kinda on my poop-list right now.

Helicopters: I could never do that cool thing where you split them down the middle and put them on your nose. On a more universal level, they clutter lawns and are too small to easily rake up, thus angering the scores of people who have nothing more important to care about than how nice their yards look. Don't kid yourself, those people are out there.

Hammocks: So comfortable...TOO comfortable, in fact. Their gentle, swaying embrace is conducive to laziness, and unproductivity goes against the American way and the Protestant work ethic upon which our country was founded. As the saying goes, "Idle buttocks make the Devil's Advocate." Or something to that effect - I was never up to speed on my God-isms.

Photosynthesis: When you think about it, is oxygen really all it's cracked up to be? Yes, breathing is nice and all, but it's a commodity that's become far too readily available: stupid people currently have just as much access to it as do intelligent people. If there were less oxygen to go around as the result of, say, massive deforestation, then we'd be thrown into a survival of the fittest situation in which the idiots among us would certainly die out first, thus strengthening the species. Simply put, fewer plants equals smarter humans. It's Social Darwinism at its finest, and who can argue with that?

In conclusion, while on the surface the maple seems comforting and life-giving and the desert harsh and unforgiving, there's more to each of them than first meets the eye. Hopefully the same can be said of the Sheik 'n' Bake this weekend.

Yours Truly,
Sheik Yorbooti
President of the International Council for the Promulgation of Desert Awesomeosity

P.S. - Getcha Powerthirst ready!!! (It helps prevent dehydration-in-the-back)

Tale of the Tape: Maple v. Desert

photo credited to Brian Vo

The stately maple provides us with shade, delicious syrup, helicopters, hammocks, and photosynthesis.


photo credited to HORIZON

The desert gives us drought, scorpions, cancer, sand in your butt, and a horse with no name.

The stately maple is clearly awesome, while the desert will dehydrate you in the back while you're not looking.

Watch The Maple Shade dominate the Desert on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

Stop believin', IT'S ME SNITCHES!

Tie-breaking: Up for debate

Partly because this blog is apparently dead, and partly because I do not leave well enough alone, I pose this question to the league:

What should be our tie-breaker rules?

Situation 1: Two teams are tied going into the Championship Game or Toilet Bowl week.

Possible Tie-Breaker Solutions:
  - Total Points
  - Overall League Record (a.k.a. "Domination Record" as seen on the blog's "current standings" section, defined as: a team's record against every team in the league each week, as opposed to just their individual game's opponent)
  - Record vs. opponent with whom the tie is held

Situation 2: Two teams tie in the Championship Game or Toilet Bowl

Possible Tie-Breaker Solutions:
  - Substitute tie score for Optimal Score for that week
  - Substitute tie score for Total Score (Starters+Bench) for that week
  - Have the teams play each other in Week 16 to break the tie. (In which case we still need a tie-breaker solution in case of a second, though improbable tie game.)
  - Teams share the title

Discuss.

Record Book

Despite Yahoo!'s pretty nifty Record Book, it seems only right that we would keep track of some of our own stats. So, we'll keep this up to date on our own. Have a new category to suggest? Just do some research and add it in.

All-Time Records

Most Strictly Circus Championships:
4 - B. Grafton (2001, 03, 05, 06)
Most Beer Bitch "Titles":
4 - J. Baxter (2001, 04, 05, 06)

Most Points Scored by a Team:
169 - The JoPas (2004, Week 3)
Least Points Scored by a Team:
26 - Napoleon's Dynamite (2007, Week 15)

Modern Era Records:

Most Points Scored by a Team:
138 - Napoleon's Dynamite (2007, Week 14)
Least Points Scored by a Team:
26 - Napoleon's Dynamite (2007, Week 15)

Most Points Scored by a Player:
43 - Tom Brady, Napoleon's Dynamite (2007, Week 7)
Least Points Scored by a Player:
-6 - Drew Brees, Baxterminators (2007, Week 3)

Most Points Scored by a Position Player (as a starter):
43 - QB - Tom Brady, Napoleon's Dynamite (2007, Week 7) & Tom Brady, Animal (2009, Week 6)
33 - RB - LaDainian Tomlinson, Baxterminators (2007, Week 6)
32 - WR - Terrell Owens, The Maple Shade (2007, Week 11)
18 - TE - Antonio Gates, Bay State MAssClowns (2009, Week 4)
18 - K - Matt Stover, Sheik 'n' Bake (2007, Week 6)
39 - DEF - San Francisco, Napoleon's Dynamite (2009, Week 4)

Powerthirst!

If your team isn't drinking this… they should be!

The comparison appears appropriate...

After five interceptions on Monday night, it has been confirmed… Brett Favre is an old Tony Romo.

Change of management

So how many points did I leave on the bench this week? About 60?

It's over; I quit. The sweat-stained depths of my University of Hawaii cap will be making all the lineup decisions from here on out. I am, if nothing else, a man of my word.

Job Satisfaction

I wish I loved MY job this much.

Boo BCS

If you're like me you hate the BCS… and you would have been interested when you saw this site on one of those extra tall signs during ESPN's College Gameday.

Pink (Elephant in the the League) Shirt

Unfortunately this is no longer timely, but let's examine for a moment what occurred this past week.

It seems that the same guy who called Baxter out for possibly having the lowest point total ever in a Strictly Circus game (later to be proven only 9th lowest), proceeded to actually score the lowest point total ever: 33 points!

So, Chris, this week, you are wearing the virtual Pink Shirt. I know, I know. Poor Jared also scored a measly 33 points this week as well, but why kick a man when he's down? Besides it's clear that Sheik 'n' Bake are making moves to improve their situation. The Maple Shade didn't even pick up a player to fill an injury spot last week.

So, here's to you "Karma" Shade! You got what was coming (or wasn't coming) after calling out the Baxterminators.

All of this brings up a greater point. What statistical categories do we want to track for posterity. Highest/lowest score of all time. Most points/least points scored by an individual player. Any other suggestions?

In case you're wondering, the Record Book tracks a lot, but perhaps not over many years. So far, Strength of Schedule is one of the best automatically calculated stat.