Strictly Circus? No, strictly business.

Annandale, VA. - August 19, 2009 - The annual Strictly Circus owners’ meetings have wrapped up here at Casa de Grafton, one of west Annandale’s premier resorts, as the league get's ready for another season.

Economic issues were front and center, as owners from smaller market teams could not afford to attend in person and had to teleconference with various sessions. One source close to Haverford’s Baxterminators cited the imposing combined transportation/day care costs. “We couldn’t even afford to pay for the first pick in the draft. How could we justify staying in a place like that?” added the source, whose name is being withheld to protect him/her from his/her spouse.

On the other side of the tracks, the reclusive owner of the Bay State MAssclowns, not seen publicly since the 2007 season, again opted not to attend, despite using his ponderous oil wealth to acquire the first pick in this year’s draft. Messages left for the Massclowns were not returned. (Or rather, they were returned, but had obviously been intercepted by an imposter, given the uber-pessimistic self-flagellating nature of the responses).

Other pressing issues included AL’s owner Brian Merritt’s motion to extend the time between draft picks. “I just see all these other draft parties where people have fun. Did you hear those commercials from Hooters where they are now hosting draft parties? I bet they don’t have 90-second draft timers. They get to taunt each other, beat up on each other’s picks, use the bathroom.” Merritt quickly added that the food and quality of women was just as good at the resort as at Hooters. Merritt called this reporter after the interview to further amend his comments that the women were, of course, not ‘just as good’ but better at the resort. Merritt again called a few minutes later pleading for none of his comments to be printed.

Merritt’s motion on draft timing failed to obtain the support of other owners. Owner Chris Burkett, battling tetanus toxoids, was heard to report that the high pressure draft actually served to make is headache go away. Other owners appeared equally at ease with the decidedly uncircuslike atmosphere of the Strictly Circus draft. “People think these owners’ meetings are all fun and games,” said the Grafdawg’s Brian Grafton, taking a break from pumping the nearby keg of Summerfest lager “this is a serious business, and should be treated as such.”